Same-Sex Marriage Essay Example | Topics and Well Written Essays - 500 words

Same-Sex Marriage - Essay Example According to the paper findings same sex marriage has undergone numerous milestones from the initial secretive affair which was prohibited by cultural and religious beliefs of the society to an open affair where weddings are done in public. The coupes are recognized as a man and wife despite the same sexes. This issue is openly against the norms; however, it has found its way to acceptance and legalization. The first time, when same –sex was mentioned and performed was in 342, in the early Roman Empire. Nero became the first emperor to marry a man. He later married two other males in different occasions. As the report declares there have been various perspectives on the legalization and acceptance of same-sex marriage. According to the religious views, the Bible defines marriage as a union of two people of opposite sex. This implies that same-sex marriage is a redefinition of marriage, which is contrary to the Bible. Most Christians have opposed this type of marriage based on ungodliness and against the word of God. This is opposition is reflected in most of the nations that have refused to recognize such marriages. The nations are well founded on religious beliefs. Similarly, the aspect of culture plays a critical role in reflecting what nature of morals a society should uphold. Most cultures across the world respect and recognize marriage between a woman and a man. This makes it difficult to accept marriage between two individual of same sexes. This is a taboo according to most cultures.

Mathematics Coursework Essay Example | Topics and Well Written Essays - 2500 words

Mathematics Coursework - Essay Example Employee number 9 had the slightest improvement. The above results can be used while making decisions since they indicate how an organization can do to reduce the time it takes its employees to finish a certain task. Surely, practice makes perfect since after some significant trials, the completion time is reduced significantly. In this regard, the management can encourage its employees to get used to all the tasks so as to be able to finish them taking the shortest time possible. From figures 4 and 5 above, Scatter plots; it is evident that, CEOs pay doesn’t affect the way an organization performs. This can be well represented using a line graph, figure 6 and 7, which shows that, the returns as they increase, there is no corresponding effect in the CEOs pay. These results can be used to clearly show that, the pay given to the top management brass doesn’t translate to high returns. In one instance, the pay is too high but the corresponding pay cannot be yearned for. Money reward has been argued by many as being not a good motivator in the work place since no body will ever get accustomed and feel he/she has had enough to stop looking for money. In many organizations, the use of money as a motivator has been discouraged due to its negative effects. Likewise, in top level management, and from the results above, then we cannot say with certainty that, the CEOs pay will determine where the organization will be in some times to come. The correlation tables 4 and 5 above tells us that, the pay in 2002 and the return have a weak positive correlation, i.e. the pay could weakly talk about the return in 2002. Further, the return and the total pay have a weak negative relationship thus summarizing the assertion that, the CEOs pay may have little to say about the organization’s returns. At 95 percent, the above table confirms that, the two analysts

Positive Relationship with Children Essay Example for Free

Positive Relationship with Children Essay 1.1. Positive relationships with children and young people are important because when children feel comfortable they separate more easily from their parents, and are more likely to participate in activities if they secure emotionally. Also when children have positive relationships they are less likely to show unwanted behaviour as we can recognise and meet their individual needs. Childrens language will also develop more quickly due to being confident to talk to us. Us as practitioners can also plan more accurately as we’ll understand childrens development and we will know their individual interests. It is also important as we will be able to respond to a Childs emotions due to their facial expressions and the way they are acting when we know them and have a bond with them. We also have to remember that we are to build professional relationships. The principles of relationship building and to keep them maintained are communicating effectively, identifying and sorting out conflicts and disagreements, being consistent and fair, showing respect and courtesy, valuing and respecting individuality, keeping promises and honouring commitments, monitoring impact of own behaviour on others, keeping confidentiality as appropriate and recognising and responding appropriately to the power base underpinning relationships. 1.2. Observation 1.3. My own effectiveness in building relationships with children or young people is that when you get to know each child individually i feel more comfortable, because i know they feel comfortable due to them knowing me and respecting them. I involve all the children in my activities no matter what the age gap unless the activitiy is un suiteable for that age group. I ensure in myself that i treat each child in the same way, as no child has higher priority than the other they all get treated fairly. I also feel like i have achieved building relationships with the children when you see them after a weekend or the next day because they smile and are excited to come to nursery again. 2.1. Positive relationships with people involved in the care of children and young people are important. Other people involved other than their family are organisational managers, carers, other visitors, colleagues from other agencies and services, external partners, official visitors, and colleagues. If we do not have positive relationships with these people involved in the childrens lives that attend nursery there is danger that information might be passed un –accurately and that it is withheld because we may not be trusted. It is important that we all work together to build trust with everyone and the benefits the child will get if we do so are children are given consistent care, childrens needs and interests are identified, plans for childrens care and education are more effective, childrens welfare can be properly monitored, and skills and ideas can be shared quickly between adults.

Abdullah Badawi’s Effect on Political Economy

Abdullah Badawi’s Effect on Political Economy 1.0 INTRODUCTION Tun Abdullah Ahmad Badawi, the fifth Malaysia’s Prime Minister (2003-2009), was born on 26th November, 1939 in Kampung Perlis, Bayan Lepas. He was greatly influenced by his family religious background and further strengthened it through the subject of Islamic Studies in Universiti Malaya, and graduated in 1964. After he was graduated from Universiti Malaya, Abdullah was working as a civil servant, including Assistant Secretary in the Public Services Department and Head Assistant Secretary in the National Operation Council (NOC) (Welsh, 2003). At that time, he also was also being a Director in the Ministry of Youth and Sports; and since 1974, Deputy Chief Secretary in the same ministry. In 1978, Abdullah resigned in the civil service and had been elected as the candidate for Kepala Batas Parliament seat For the year 1978-1987, Abdullah has won the 1978 elections for the Kepala Batas Parliament seat (Sivamurugan Rusdi Omar Mohd Azizuddin, 2010). He was then elected as Parliamentary Secretary and Deputy Minister in the Federal Territory Ministry. He was also been Minister in Prime Minister’s Department (1981-1984), Minister of Education (1984-1986), Minister of Defence (1986-1987). From the year 1987 to 1990, it was climax in Abdullah’s political leadership. The growth of Anwar Ibrahim and the presence of opposition leaders in UMNO had not feared by Abdullah (Sivamurugan Rusdi Omar Mohd Azizuddin, 2010). By this, he finally get the highest position in the party and government. He was trusted by Dr.Mahathir to offer him for involving in 1990 General Elections. He was also elected as the part of Cabinet. The support gained by Abdullah not only particularly on inner support but also because of his inner confidence and strength that had given him a trust by peoples (Sivamurugan Rusdi Omar Mohd Azizuddin, 2010).. Abdullah was served as the Minister of Foreign Affairs during 1991-1999. At that time, Abdullah also succeeded in winning back the UMNO Vice President seat in the 1996 elections after the failure to win Vice President seat in 1993 (Case, n.d). He gained the Dr. Mahathir’s trust and was finally elected as the UMNO Deputy President in 1999 and Deputy Prime Minister, the fourth under the leadership of Dr. Mahathir. In Jun 2002, Dr. Mahathir announced to retire, and announced to the public that he had given trust to Abdullah to be his successor of Prime Minister. The main objective to conduct this case study is to critically examine the political economy throughout his reign of nearly six years. The specific objectives are; firstly, to critically review Abdullah’s political performance by providing the election report between 2003-2009 and figure out the reason why the mass supported him; secondly, to interpret the international economy oil price and its problems; thirdly, to identify issues and challenges during his tenure, whether Abdullah’s political policy affects the Malaysia’s economy or vice versa or both. To complete our research, we will assess the data from books in library, journals articles, newspapers and electric sources to prove whether our argument is valid or not. The research is conducted by 3 members, everyone from each will be divided to collect sources based on their own task. Our finding will dramatically advance our understanding of political economy under the administration of Abdullah. 2.0 LEADERSHIP OF ABDULLAH BADAWI During Abdullah’s premiership, the government policies did not change much. To him, he was presiding over an individual change rather than regime change. Abdullah implemented his promise to address corruption. Abdullah is widely admired for his religious knowledge and credentials, and can confront Islamic radicals (in his own quiet way) while maintaining respect from mainstream society (McCreedy, 2003). Abdullah’s personal style—mild, incremental, consensual—will differ from the fiery tone of his predecessor (Tun Mahathir), and likely improve relations with the West (McCreedy, 2003). Not having as Mahathir aggressive personality as Mahathir had, Abdullah showed an early willingness to listen and work as a team. He attempted to bring economic liberalisation, declared war on corruption, improved governance, and opened up democratic space (Ahmad Fauzi Abdul Hamid Muhammad Takiyuddin Ismail, 2012). To reform policy, he re-attached importance to agriculture, re-emphasized poverty eradication, highlighted human capital development, and shifted focus to regional development which was been practiced by the second Prime Minister, Tun Abdul Razak. Abdullah was so much emphasing on religious and he attempted to establish Islam Hadhari, a progressive approach towards understanding and practising Islam as a modern rather than conservative religion. Thus, Abdullah’s leadership style was soft-personality, but under his premiership, many plans were proved to be more than just declare. 3.0 ISSUES AND CHALLENGES FACED BY TUN ABDULLAH BADAWI 3.1 The Global Financial Crisis (2008-2009) The global financial crisis (GFC), caused by the bursting of a speculative bubble in the US housing market in 2008, affected the capital flows, trade flows, and commodity prices of the world (Athukorala, 2010). Different countries have been affected differently, depending on the nature of their financial/trade linkages with the rest of the world, the quality of financial institutions and polices. As we will see below, for Malaysia, the financial and economic development had worsened in 2008 and 2009. Our GDP remained declining in the year of 2008, ultimately 0.1% growth of GDP in third quarter of 2008. The GDP felt by approximately 3% in the fourth quarter of 2008, which was also the first time in negative territory since 2001 (figure 1) (World Trade Organization, 2011). From the data interpreting above, we could imagine that during Abdullah Badawi’s premiership, the main challenge affected by global financial crisis was the declining of GDP in Malaysia in 2008 and the exportation of Malaysia declined. 3.2 International Oil Price Crisis The second issue and challenge faced by Abdullah Badawi is international oil price crisis by 2008. The oil price has skyrocketed to levels never predicted by the strategists and economic planners, estimated from USD170 per barrel in end 2008 to USD200 in 2009 (D-8 Secretariat Istanbul, 2008). The increasing of oil price at that time also caused the price of food increased beyond the normal abilities to pay by the poor. Abdullah Badawi (2008) said that the oil price crisis was required global-level solutions, and Malaysia was needed to bring up this issue to international community to resolve together. It is undeniably that the oil price crisis also caused the most urgent challenge facing by Malaysia was the food shortage in the world. As the global oil price increased, the food price also increased, and believed to reach more than 75% since 2000 (D-8 Secretariat Istanbul, 2008). These had threatened to the Malaysia’s economic growth under Abdullah Badawi’s tenure. Thus, the methods that used by Abdullah Badawi to solve the issue were to cut off the government subsidy on fuel (since the increasing of oil price has burdened the government subsidy on fuel) and also suggested to produce or creating alternative sources of energy, such as bio-fuels and agriculture. From Table 1, fuel subsidies had raised from RM2.4bil or 3.8% of total operating expenses (OE) and 0.7% of GDP in 2001 to RM7.3bil in 2006 or 6.8% of total OE and 1.3% GDP (Ministry of Finance, 2008). While in 2007, it rose further to RM8.8bil or 1.4% of GDP (Ministry of Finance, 2008). In estimated 2008, fuel subsidies would escalate to estimate RM15.5bil or 12% of total OE and 2.3% of GDP (table 1) (Ministry of Finance, 2008). From Table 2, the petroleum product subsidy had increased from RM16.0bil in 2005 to RM16.2bil in 2007, but had decreased from 43.7% of total subsidy in 2005 to 37.3% in 2007 (Ministry of Finance, 2008). It could be said that the government had begun to cut off the fuel subsidy due to the increasing of oil price in 2007 but had put more effort on gas price subsidy due to Abdullah Badawi’s recommendation policy on replacing the fuel energy. 4.0 POLITICAL POLICY AFFECTS ECONOMY OR ECONOMY AFFECTS POLITICAL POLICY? During Abdullah Badawi’s tenure, whether his political policy had affected Malaysia’s economy or the economy had affected his political policy? Based on our research, we would critic that during Abdullah Badawi’s era, the economy had affected his politcal policy. We would provide few facts at the following to support our critical analysis. The first fact is, the rising of world oil price to between US90 and US100 a barrel is expected to force Abdullah Badawi administration on reduction in fuel subsidies in 2008. According to Asia Times (2008), the fuel and gas subsidiaries approximately cost US12bil a year. The global oil price crisis had put increasing burdens on the family budgets, especially the middle-income family from developing country. Not only that, the oil price crisis also forced governments to curtail expenditures or reallocate resources for development in order to meet the more immediate needs of societies (D-8 Secretariat Istanbul, 2008). Thus, from our analysis, we could comment that the rising of oil price had affected Abdullah Badawi to reduce or cut off the fuel subsidies policy to societies. However, we could not find any other long-term solutions yet to stabilize the price of oil in the market. Perhaps, the reduction on fuel subsidies would be the best alternatives for controlling the government exp enditures. However, Abdullah Badawi’s reduction fuel subsidiary policy had been implemented until today. It could be proven by Malaysian government now (Najib Razak’s era) is following Abdullah Badawi’s step to cut fuel subsidy on ron95 fuel (Athukorala, 2010). In our opinion, there are pros and cons on abolishing fuel subsidy in Malaysia. The pros definitely would be the Malaysia takes advantages of falling global oil price and reduce the burden of government. If cut off fuel subsidy be implemented, the oil price would be followed international oil price, thus, if global oil price reduces, then Malaysia would pay lesser to import oil (McAleavey, 2014). Moreover, abolishing fuel subsidy could benefits government because government could save up the money to use it on other field of subsidiaries. The con on abolishing fuel subsidy in Malaysia would be widen the wealth gap issues. Dismissing fuel subsidy would be benefited to high-income households instead of protecting the l ow-income workers (Palatino, 2014). Nevertheless, in our point of view, if the reduction on fuel subsidy policy would be announced and get opinion from the societies first, it would be more beneficial to both societies and government to achieve a win-win situation. The second fact that we could provide to prove that the economy had affected Abdullah Badawi’s policy is the recommendation on Bio-Fuel Policy in 2006 (D-8 Secretariat Istanbul, 2008) by Abdullah Badawi as a renewable sources of energy to encounter the increasing of oil price issue. The goal to implement this policy is to promote the use of bio fuels as an alternative to petroleum in Malaysia. Examples of bio-fuel or bio-gas could be natural gas vehicles (NGV). Based on our finding, National Biofuel Policy (NBP) provided an alternative to reduce the dependency on petroleum in Malaysia. Palm oil is used as the alternative resource to replace the depleting petroleum as it is more environmental friendly and it could produce investments for it value added-finished products. Oil palm is an energy-efficient crop and the adoption of renewable energy resources started as the crisis of increasing oil price and depletion of crude oil reserve. Palm oil contribute the largest part in Malaysia’s economic. NBP was being launched to sustain the economic growth. Few objectives were formulated to mobilize the local resources for biofuel production and explore new technology to generate energy as an alternative resources (table 2). In 2009, the use of B5 blends (Envo Diesel) of 5% diesel biofuels and 95% petroleum diesel was introduced (Majid, 2015). This was to create an environmental friendly and renewable energy resources. The use of biofuel is definitely a great idea yet the usage of diesel biofuel in Malaysia is still low. Moreover, diesel engined-vehicles is more expensive than petrol engined-vehicles. Thus, less people supported the biofuel policy. It is in fact that until today, the Najib Razak’s era, this policy was not implemented yet in Malaysia. The current prime minister could only implement the reduction of fuel subsidy policy, instead of carrying up the bio-fuel policy. Based on our research, there are a few weakness of this National Biofuel Policy which launched by Datuk Sri Abdullah Ahmad Badawi in 2006. Ccsenet.org (2011) mentioned that the weakness of this policy is that the demand from market is small. There is only few diesel users compare to petrol users. Thus, the biofuel policy only benefits some of the populations. Figure 2 shows the difference of energy consumption between petroleum products and biodiesel in Malaysia. The minuscule domestic market could not gain much profits and supports from the people and lastly would fail to reach the objectives of the policy. Besides that, the biofuel infrastructure which could fulfill the basis of nation was not sufficient. People might feel interested and wish to try something which is new and environmentally friendly yet the lack of infrastructure had made the policy unsuccessful. According to Phys.Org (2009), 16 biofuel plants were built but due to low price of biofuel was not being operated. The infrastructure that being built was wasted and made the people feel not confident with the good side of biofuel. The lack of market opportunities of biofuel had also lead to the failure of this policy. Development of biofuel always related to the rain forest deforestation which lead to biodiversity loss. Malaysia has chosen a solution of land-clearing to get plant oil-palm for biodiesel. Climate changes and global warming had become the issue in few conferences and lead to the failure of this policy. Resources and skilled workers and research were not fully utilized to conduct the policy. Thus, National Biofuel Policy is indeed a good policy if we have sufficient manpower, resources and technology intelligence to make it successful and increase the nation’s economic growth. However, the lack of skilled labour and technology and high dependency towards petroleum had caused the implementation of the mandate of B5 biodiesel sale to be delayed in February 2010. 5.0 CONCLUSION The difference in Abdullah Badawi’s leadership style with his predecessor brings about cause for some to consider it as a weakness and loss of control (Utusan Malaysia, 19 September 2006). Under his tenureship, Malaysia had experienced two big challenges, which are the global financial crisis and international oil price crisis during 2008-2009. These two challenges yet never came into a long-term solutions to solve these issues until today. Therefore, in our opinion, the international oil crisis, cut off subsidiaries on oil and increased of oil prices in Malaysia perhaps are the reasons to let him lose his mass support on general election in 2008. REFERENCES Welsh, B. (2003). Malaysias transition: Elite contestation, political dilemmas and incremental change. Washington, D.C: Asia Program Special Report. Sivamurugan, P., Rusdi Omar., Mohd Azizuddin. (2010). Work with Me, Not for Me†: Malaysia under Abdullah Ahmad Badawi (2003-2009). Asian Culture and History, Volume 2, Issue 1. Case, W. (n.d). Abdullah Badawi’s first year as Malaysia’s Prime Minister. Austrialia: Griffith Asia Institute. McCreedy, A. (2003). Passing the mantle: A new leadership for Malaysia. Washington, D.C: Asia Program Special Report. Welsh, B. (2003). Malaysias transition: Elite contestation, political dilemmas and incremental change. Washington, D.C: Asia Program Special Report. Welsh, B. (2003). Malaysias transition: Elite contestation, political dilemmas and incremental change. Washington, D.C: Asia Program Special Report. Welsh, B. (2003). Malaysias transition: Elite contestation, political dilemmas and incremental change. Washington, D.C: Asia Program Special Report. http://www.energyglobal.com/downstream/refining/30102014/Malaysia-reduces-fuel-prices-1527/ http://thediplomat.com/2014/10/why-malaysia-reduced-its-fuel-subsidy/ http://www.twn.my/title2/ge/ge26.pdf APPENDIXES Figure 1: Real GDP and trade growth of Malaysia, 2008-10 Source: World Trade Organization, 2011. https://www.wto.org/english/news_e/pres11_e/pr628_e.htm Figure 2: The Difference of Energy Consumption between Petroleum Products and Biodiesel in Malaysia. Source: National Energy Balance 2012 (Retrieved from Malaysia Energy Statistic Handbook, 2014) Table 1: Malaysia’s Fuel Subsidies 2001-08 Table 2: Malaysia’s Subsidies and Financial Assistance (RM bil) 2005-07 Source: Ministry of Finance, Bank Negara, Department of Information, Malaysia CIMB/GK Research, 2008.

Style in Writing :: Teaching Writing

Style in Writing Do the styles around us influence the way we think and the way we speak and write? From the time of elementary school to the present, people learn different styles. We learn how to use different styles at different times. People take these different styles and apply them into writing and conversations. Society has made certain styles more appropriate at times then other styles. For example we speak differently at church then we speak at a bar. Society sets standards on where we use a certain style. Imagine if somebody at church was swearing consistently in a conversation. Everybody would think he was rude and would talk about him after he left. But if this guy was in a bar and had a few beers, no one would think much about it. Style in writing has been set in many ways by the official style. Who set this official style and why do we need to follow it? It is expected in many of our college classes that we need to use the official style when we write papers. This English class was the first time I have looked at different styles of writing besides the official style. All the other English classes that I have taken in the past like to focus on how to write in the official style. The writer needs a theme and the whole paper needs to be in a certain format. The paper has rules to follow and if we donÕt use them, are grade will suffer. When I try and write in the official style, I write in phrases that I would normally never say when I am talking to another person. But by using the official style we are suppose to sound educated and it makes us sound like we know what we are talking about. If two papers are written and one is in the official style and the other is not and someone reads them both; which one would they consider was written by someone with a higher education? ThatÕs an easy one. Then there is the hard working construction worker who doesnÕt give a crap about the official style. Certain people have set up the official style as the correct way to write. Would not people rather read things that are easily understood and can comprehend what the writer is saying; or would they rather read some paper that is long winded and full of information, but they can not comprehend what they read unless they look over it a few times. Style in Writing :: Teaching Writing Style in Writing Do the styles around us influence the way we think and the way we speak and write? From the time of elementary school to the present, people learn different styles. We learn how to use different styles at different times. People take these different styles and apply them into writing and conversations. Society has made certain styles more appropriate at times then other styles. For example we speak differently at church then we speak at a bar. Society sets standards on where we use a certain style. Imagine if somebody at church was swearing consistently in a conversation. Everybody would think he was rude and would talk about him after he left. But if this guy was in a bar and had a few beers, no one would think much about it. Style in writing has been set in many ways by the official style. Who set this official style and why do we need to follow it? It is expected in many of our college classes that we need to use the official style when we write papers. This English class was the first time I have looked at different styles of writing besides the official style. All the other English classes that I have taken in the past like to focus on how to write in the official style. The writer needs a theme and the whole paper needs to be in a certain format. The paper has rules to follow and if we donÕt use them, are grade will suffer. When I try and write in the official style, I write in phrases that I would normally never say when I am talking to another person. But by using the official style we are suppose to sound educated and it makes us sound like we know what we are talking about. If two papers are written and one is in the official style and the other is not and someone reads them both; which one would they consider was written by someone with a higher education? ThatÕs an easy one. Then there is the hard working construction worker who doesnÕt give a crap about the official style. Certain people have set up the official style as the correct way to write. Would not people rather read things that are easily understood and can comprehend what the writer is saying; or would they rather read some paper that is long winded and full of information, but they can not comprehend what they read unless they look over it a few times.

The Language of Slavery in Jane Eyre Essays -- Jane Eyre Bronte Papers

While Bronte’s novel is a story of one woman’s rise from dependant, patriarchal oppression to financial stability and emotional liberation, the narration of that story is often turns to the figurative representation of slavery. Bronte applies the metaphor of slavery to the domestic trials facing British women at the time. Time and again her narrative language turns to this device in order to draw parallels between slavery and other vehicles of oppression, namely gender and class. Just as the majority of issues in the novel are two-sided, the implications of these parallels are two-sided as well. Carl Plasa, Lecturer in English at the University of Wales College of Cardiff, clearly explains the dichotomy in his essay "Silent Revolt": The deployment of a metaphorics of slavery as a way of representing forms of domestic oppression is, from one perspective, both rhetorically powerful and a politically radical maneuver. Yet from another perspective--that precisely of those who are or have been enslaved, experienced the metaphor, as it were--such a strategy can only be viewed as deeply problematic. (67-8) If Bronte had turned to these metaphors solely "as a way of representing forms of domestic oppression" the effect would have been positive. Her references to slavery would have come across as "rhetorically powerful" and "politically radical". Unfortunately, Bronte goes too far. She creates a narrator, Jane, who exploits images of slavery, using them to obtain personal gain and dismissing them when convenient. It is obvious that Bronte makes use of the experiences of the British colonies throughout the text of Jane Eyre. In an effort to make her readers more comfortable Bronte chooses not to address the issue of British dom... ...hough her troping of the language of slavery is problematic, she creates through her novel, as Meyers says in her essay, "a fascinating example of the associations-- and dissociations-- between a resistance to the ideology of male domination and a resistance to the ideology of colonial domination" (162). Â   Â   Works Cited Bronte, Charlotte. Jane Eyre. 1848. Ed. Beth Newman. Boston: Bedford/St. Martin’s, 1996. Burns, Sir Alan. History of the British West Indies. London: Allen & Unwin, 1965. Meyer, Susan. "From ‘Colonialism and the Figurative Strategy of Jane Eyre.’" Post-Colonial Theory and English Literature: A Reader. Ed. Peter Childs. Edinburgh: Edinburgh UP, 1999. 149-163. Plasa, Carl. "Silent Revolt: Slavery and the Politics of Metaphor in Jane Eyre." The Discourse of Slavery. Ed. Carl Plasa and Betty J. Ring. London: Routledge, 1994. 64-93.

A year had departed since that fatal day

Everyday I pathologically relived those agonizing memories every detail had been scrutinized while sat in this chair being handed chipped mugs of luke warm instant coffee in return for reassurance that I was still present in this empty and hollow world. I never responded; there was no point, but they gained their reassurance from my deep laboured breathing and went away content. I'd never enlightened anyone as to my thoughts, my inner most feelings; I had no one to trust. How could I trust them they held out their hand and pulled me back from that cliff top, the only place I felt comfortable. They said they would help me. Instead they gave me a room full of memories; an environment where my goal was unattainable, and concluded for themselves a reason â€Å"why† based on half truths and other peoples opinions. â€Å"He can't cope, poor chap† was a common phrase for gods sake I wasn't coping, I was planning. They had people come to sit with me on a Tuesday. All kinds of people: young, old, professional, dole fraudsters, priests. Sometimes a familiar person would come and sit beside me who'd talk at me and I wouldn't force myself to listen. Sometimes my ears would pick up as they talked about people who I'd known and things I'd done. I couldn't remember them but they made sense. I never acknowledged them and they left soon after, shaking their heads and having a conference in the corridor at my expense. I only trusted one person, and she was unreachable. This day had felt different from the outset; something had unbalanced my routine and my usual blueprint of thought. I awoke a little earlier and glared around my room, my cage. This was not my home; it was a prison for my thoughts. I ambled my way to the lounge; it was an unsettling place, not pleasant like my lounge at home. Our lounge at home. Our home that was. Instead it was a mild form of hell. I regained my territorial seat near the window and blocked out all the bawls and whimpers from my surroundings and stared aimlessly out onto the main road. It was morning rush hour and as my eyes filled and discharged, the lights of this dreary winter morning mingled from one colour to another. I saw the box of tissues resting on the sideboard, their miserable attempt at making this unfamiliar room more homely, but I didn't reach for them. I could have looked round to see what was going on, but I knew. I heard the cries, the crashes, the screams of restraint and the eerie silence that followed. I knew that it was soon to be accompanied by the sound of glass being swept, the tinkling like a wind chime blowing softly in the humid Barbados breeze of my honeymoon. Our honeymoon. Sat on the beach sipping cocktails and each night making passionate love in the most luxurious apartment in town. It was a happy thought I know but instead it drew a tear. I stepped back into my world. Each day was identical. But not this day, today was a year since that horrendous day. The day I repeat in my head over and over, that I couldn't escape from if I wanted to. But I didn't want to, I didn't want to escape from it, for escaping would be forgetting and I couldn't lose the pressures memories we had. Memories were all I have now. Nobody knew why I sat here looking at this road. Just as well because if they did they wouldn't allow it. It was a constant reminder. Most days I would see the same white Astra with the same dinted bonnet and cracked bumper, pass over the same spot it did a year ago today. Some days it would be late but it would nearly always be there. Sometimes I would see it on an evening, the new haphazardly applied â€Å"Kill Your Speed† sticker strategically on the rear bumper. It would always slow for the crossing. The driver always slowed for the crossing, but he hadn't one day. Maybe one was enough for him. Maybe he knew next time he wouldn't get off so lightly. They let me out, but I didn't want to go. â€Å"The door is open,† they said, sure it was open but I wasn't going to pass through it. I could see the world from the 4th story lounge the windows were sealed shut. Shame, it would have been quick and painless, but not part of the plan. It was 9am; she would have been on her way to work now. I would normally give her a lift, but not that day. That day she wanted to walk. A final goodbye kiss accompanied by a waving hand as she disappeared round the corner, the distinctive clicking of her heals disappearing. My house was just around the corner from here. Our house. Not anymore. My things had been put into storage and my landscaped garden has been bulldozed for a square of low maintenance turf. It was nearly time to meet her. I got up from my seat and wandered to my room. I rummaged round my bedside draw until I found my key. It glinted in the light like a precious jewel. Some would say it looked sinister, but it was the only way I could join her, and I had made a promise so I had to keep it. I walked out of the room; out of the door and down the four flights of steps to the ground. There was no need to rush, by the time they had noticed, I'd have crossed over. I walked out of the suburbs until the houses thinned and the city life died away behind me. I passed under the neatly trimmed fern archway and into the grassy pastures where I knew I would find her. I'd only been here once before but I knew my way. When I reached where she lived now, I sat down. The ground was cold. I put my hand in my pocket and reached for my key. I watched with intent as I ran the cold metal down the un-weathered skin of my inner left arm. It tingled slightly. I placed the key back in my pocket and lay down, my left arm on the concrete. I closed my eyes and remembered how it had happened; as I waited for the ice to thaw on the car windows I heard the screech of the brakes and the heart wrenching scream. I remembered how I had dropped the ice scraper and run along the snow dusted path to the crossing. I remembered how I had looked for her as I ran calling her name louder with each step. I remembered seeing the windscreen of a white Astra smeared with red blood, and now in front if it she had lay there helplessly. No one had tried to help. I remembered how I had flopped to my knees and gazed into her eyes as she breathed slower and slower. How the sirens wailed in the background. How I had scooped her head in my arms, her long hair that had been so smartly and expertly tied into a tight bun bound with a red ribbon – ruffled. Her designer jacket that I had bought her for Christmas – ripped. I remember how she gazed back and pulled my head closer to hers and whispered â€Å"I'm not going to make it, am I?† I remembered how I had croaked back the tears and told her â€Å"Wherever you go, I go. I can't live without you† She smiled back at me, a tear rolled down her face and she whispered, â€Å"I don't want to leave you. God please don't let me†¦.† She gasped for breath but breath didn't come. She held me tight, looked at me as another tear rolled down her cheek and was accompanied by two of mine. â€Å"I love you. I'll be with you soon† I had said. S he nodded and closed her eyes. Her arms relaxed and fell from around me. I had ran back to the house, fumbled at the lock with my frozen blood stained hands and grabbed the knife from the drawer. I had ran back to where she was. I can't have been longer then thirty seconds but by the time I got there all that was left was a pool of blood. An ambulance wailed down the street, taking her away from me. The knife had already cut into my wrist and that's when they pulled me back, that kind faced policeman had robbed me of fulfilling my pact and my promise. I opened my eyes I was here now. I felt weak as the blood poured from my left arm onto the cold gravestone. I looked at her name and the faded flowers that her parents had painted onto the headstone. My eyes felt heavy but as my life flowed out onto her final resting place, the closest I could be to her, I could see her walking towards me. Her hair expertly tied in a tight bun bound with a red ribbon. The designer jacket I had bought her for Christmas. She reached out a hand and pulled me up. I took one last look back at myself, and followed her.